| | Have you ever wondered how Santa Claus finances his massive operation at the North Pole? One could argue that part of the process is the exploitation of cheap (or perhaps even slave!) labor (where is S.P.E.W.?), but where do the resources to support the infrastructure, even apart from the raw materials necessary for making toys, come from? This is one of the difficulties contemplated at this time of year.
It's strange how things sometimes just seem to come together and make perfect sense. You walk along innocently minding your own business, and suddenly light dawns and clarity reigns on a previously arcane subject.This happened to me yesterday (12/12/08) while I was in line at Disneyland's Pirates of the Caribbean ride. I noticed two people ahead of me with Santa hats which had red letters embroidered on the white front reading "Ho Ho Ho". That's not so unexpected as this is the familiar refrain from the world's fattest elf. But what suddenly struck me was the juxtaposition between the words "Ho Ho Ho" and the ride we were about to get on. And in a moment, it all made sense--dark sense, but it explained everything.
While we see him in his jolly red costume, distributing toys to 'nice' girls and boys, this is only for 1/12th of the year. Where is he for the other 11 months? I know the answer; I just hope that it is safe to reveal it. I am fairly confident that I will be OK, so here goes. For the rest of the year, Santa Claus is a PIRATE! Think about the facts:
Santa's famous catchphrase, recognized around the world, is "Ho Ho Ho". He should have been more careful in choosing this though, as it is the key to unlock his masquerade, for its close resemblance to the famous pirate catchphrase "Yo Ho Yo Ho a Pirate's Life for me" is just too similar to be coincidental. In fact, "Ho Ho Ho" is almost certainly his little joke on all the rest of us. But it's in the open now! That hat, visible to all, right in front of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride gave it all away. (Do you think that those people may have been messengers, and the display of the words on the hat gave them entry into the secret rooms hidden in the ride--rooms where the real Pirate business is transacted?).
Think about the other clues that we have. How many times does Santa admit, in famous movies, that he spends the 'off-season' on a tropical island somewhere? If you don't know the real story, it just sounds like a well-earned vacation spot. HA! Its his secret buccaneer base. Who wants to live at the North Pole year round? Not Santa.
Here's another clue: anagrams. For example, Saint Nick North Pole is really Pirate Locks on Ninth (a reference to the 9th degree of lattitude--the South Seas!!!). Or Santa Claus Merry Xmas reveals Surtax Caymans Realms--watch out if you live there. Again, and perhaps even worse, Santa Claus is Can Assault and An A Cutlass. He even reveals the type of weapon he uses!!! This is bold and cunning. These types have to leave clues--now we have the key to unlocking them.
The evidence could be increased--this should be sufficient. In contemplating these facts, I wondered if something else is at work. We know that 'Santa Claus' is a relatively recent personage, and yet he claims to be very old, in fact, ancient. Is it possible that this newly revealed secret actually clues us in to earlier identities? Could this man be Robin Hood, taking form the 'rich' to give to the 'poor'? The possibilities are astounding.
Do you really want this guy coming into your house? And do you really want your kids to receive such ill-gotten gain?
|
| | Posted 12/13/2008 11:15 AM - 36 Views - 8 eProps - 4 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- share
- email
 - sent1
|
